


Philosophy

by SubwayWolf



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: First Time I Love You's, Fluff, M/M, Mild Sexual Language, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 00:18:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9295928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SubwayWolf/pseuds/SubwayWolf
Summary: Jesse is very unclear on what kind of relationship he and Hanzo have, so he tries to make things clearer.





	

**Author's Note:**

> every so often i write something without porn, which is effectively like washing my hands. i'm clean now. im ready to get dirty again.

Jesse McCree was getting to old for this.

He let his eyes fall closed as his chest expanded and deflated in quick intervals, exhaustion taking him over. The bed sheet covering his body fell from his chest and settled below his bellybutton.

From beside Jesse, Hanzo Shimada let out an exhausted sigh from his parted lips and buried himself deeper into the sheets that covered his bare chest and shoulders. Hanzo managed to retain a small amount of energy and used it to conceal himself, preventing the covers from falling and exposing his chest.

Jesse was going to comment on this – he had seen Hanzo’s chest many times before, so why was he always covering it up? Jesse was too exhausted to say anything, however, so the two just sat there in silence.

The stillness that ensued was, unfortunately, completely normal. Hanzo and Jesse had been having an affair for over seven years now, and over time the two started running out of things to say to each other. Eventually, it diminished into not saying anything at all. They’d conclude their adventure in catching their breath and playing the game of I’ll-wait-until-he-falls-asleep-and-then-leave.

The relationship pitted Jesse. Being with Hanzo was almost like an addiction: he wanted to stop but just couldn’t. Hanzo was a good friend and an indisputably good lover, and somehow those things didn’t affect each other. When they were friends they weren’t lovers and when they were lovers they were far from friends. It had been like this for years and had shown no signs of stopping.

Jesse didn’t want it to stop– he was satisfied with the action. He just yearned for a reaction.

Hanzo never said anything to Jesse during their sexual escapades, and maybe that was a good thing. However, McCree felt something was missing: interaction. Follow-up. Maybe a “good job”. None of that was currently existent. 

Jesse continued to catch his breath. Again, he wondered if he’d ever get it back. A soft groan came from Hanzo, and Jesse recognized the sound as the signal that perhaps Jesse was a little too rough again. Jesse must have been reckless today, since he’s usually careful not to hurt his partner. He’d go through all the precautions: he didn’t slam into him unless asked, always wore a condom, and always used his fingers to spread Hanzo beforehand. 

It had been a long day on patrol and Jesse just wanted a quick release before he went home for the day. He remembered cornering Hanzo in the back of the Situation room and looking him straight in the eyes. Hanzo’s reaction was one Jesse still didn’t understand: Hanzo refused to make eye contact, just quietly nodded his head at Jesse’s silent suggestion and stared at the floor. 

When they got to Watchpoint they did their business and that was the end of it. It was absolutely perfect that way.

And it was then that Jesse, lying in the bed in his own sticky sweat, began to realize how much of a contradiction he was making: he didn’t like how Hanzo didn’t communicate with him but was inversely content with himself not communicating with Hanzo.

And suddenly McCree felt sick to his stomach (partially from his exhaustion but mainly from his wrongdoings) as he sat with his lips parted, panting. He was sick at himself, how after all Hanzo had done for him, Jesse had never said “thank you”, not even once, over the years. 

Jesse let his eyes fall closed, and after a moment, gained the courage and energy to speak.

“Hey, Hanzo?” he got his partner’s attention tenderly, colors whirring around his closed eyelids as he was still on the high of afterglow.

Hanzo purred the response, “Hmm?” Characteristically, his answer was soft and gentle, just as his behavior in bed. It was the conflicting opposite of Jesse. 

McCree opened his eyes and glanced to his left, straight at Hanzo’s damp, lengthy hair. “Uhh…thanks.”

Hanzo turned his head to face Jesse, shooting him a look of confusion.

McCree decided impromptu elaboration was his best bet. He looked at the bottom of the bed, where Hanzo’s toes stuck up from beneath the sheets. “Just…” Jesse searched for words. “Thanks for all of this. Thanks for doing this with me without protesting.” 

Hanzo said nothing, just tucked a lock of black hair behind his ear. 

“And… Sorry I’ve never thanked you before.” Jesse looked at the ceiling aimlessly. “I don’t really know a good word to describe it. Just that it’s nice of you, I guess. And I love you for it.” He furrowed his brow, quickly realizing what he had said.

Hanzo didn’t say anything for a while. Jesse, intertwining his fingers above the bed sheets, waited patiently for a response but he was unsure he’d get one. He was right. McCree suspected that Hanzo might’ve been asleep, but after glancing out the corner of his eye, he saw that he was, in fact, wide awake. 

Jesse wondered if Hanzo had gotten offended by the “I love you” bit, and after careful consideration (three seconds’ worth) he realized that was the only party to be angry at. Therefore Jesse felt sick to his stomach once again, out of sheer embarrassment. 

Jesse knew he shouldn’t have spoken at all, like usual, but instead he made the mistake to do so and hated himself for it. It was inevitable to get a reaction as he had received, as he had sensed it was the wrong thing to say before he’d even said it, yet he did it anyway. He did it as a way of smoothly getting off his chest what he’d been meaning to say all along, and although he might not have meant the “I love you” part in the way it’s typically used, Hanzo obviously took it that way.

Hanzo spoke up, out of nowhere. “I think we should stop,” he said softly. “Stop…being together.”

This broke not only the muggy silence but also Jesse’s heart. He opened his mouth to protest but no noise came out so he closed it again. He turned his head to glance at Hanzo, who was still covering himself up with the rumpled sheets.

Hanzo made gazed into Jesse’s insistent eyes, but quickly looked away again. Hanzo was probably right. He always was, although Jesse hated admitting it. 

Jesse had known Hanzo for so long now, and he knew all of his partner’s moves, expressions, actions, thought processes… Jesse recognized the anxiety in Hanzo’s posture, the tension in his jaw, the furrow in his brow, the refusal to make eye contact; he knew that Hanzo was having second thoughts on his statement. 

The complexity of Hanzo and his thought process was something that Jesse loved. He loved the way Hanzo acted and spoke, the way he knew so much, the way his eyes shone when he looked at something beautiful, the way his eyes squinted when he was shooting his arrows… in fact, Jesse loved everything about him. It was a bombshell when he realized his statement involving the words “I love you” was, somehow, completely true.

Suddenly full of courage, Jesse put his arm around Hanzo and, with the energy he had remaining, pulled him closer so they connected at the shoulders. 

“I think you’re wrong,” said Jesse with a grin, looking down at his slightly alarmed partner.

Hanzo was confused, and rightfully so. This was probably the greatest amount of tenderness Jesse had ever expressed towards anyone. But Hanzo slowly accepted Jesse’s offer of affection and relaxed into the gentle embrace.

Hanzo sunk down further into the bed so that his head rest in between Jesse’s chest and arm. He buried his nose into Jesse’s ribcage and snuggled closer to the larger man, bringing a hand up to Jesse’s chest and twirling between his fingers the curly brown hairs that covered it. 

Hanzo sighed happily. “You’re perfect, Jesse.”

Jesse basked in the moment, grinning contentedly. But he knew the pair was short on time. “We should head off.”

“Shouldn’t we make the bed before Reyes comes home and finds out we were here?”

Jesse pulled Hanzo closer to him, grinning mischievously. “We’ll let him find out on his own.”

**Author's Note:**

> what reyes does once he finds out they fucked in his bed is up to you LOL HAHA


End file.
